saturday Before halloween. 7th AND jarrit?

Three dollars at the door and they are enforcing this toll. With the fence relatively free of bikes we lock up and go in, the walls are draped with black plastic and Metallica is blaring. It's early. A television set in the corner is playing Dead Alive with the mute on, a small crowd is standing around the set taking swigs from pre-party fifths the spirit is high. It's looking good. Captured by Porches was setting up and a band was about to play. Give it a minute or two. It's on. Save for my birthday the weekend before Halloween is typically one of my favorite party times and this is why: The kids start rolling in dressed in whatever their personal tastes have thought prudent, your shits out there for every one to see. Regardless of whether you've decided to grace us with your indie-genius like those clever enough to invent a walking pun, or your hipster-risque glam fashion bonanza's, or even just your last minute price tag. Best of all it's one of those special annual nights where everybody is dead set on getting THROWED.
The band starts, I don't remember their name, they have strobes of many colors pulsating at epileptic speeds. The metal is lead. As a disclaimer I'll admit that I don't like this particular style of deep manic monkey throat intimidating sequencer beat explosive public harassment jamboree, but I could tell that they were talented musicians who could probably land a text with Elektra or maybe Twizted's label. So keep up the good work guys.
I stepped up to the dance floor which was at this point bloated with the jumping flails of today's hot dance moves. Which I personally think is fun:
Uptown's guide to THE CROWD BURROW.

So here's how it goes. Step one: Attempt breach of swarming dance hull. To do this is simple, first you have to observe the mass and locate the most unskilled dancers, extend your arm to it's maximum reach and do a pop and lock wave maneuver deep into the guts of the beast(you will easily bypass aforementioned groove less ones). Now quickly. Rotate 360 degrees using your arm probe as leverage bringing the arm in as you turn. Extend opposite arm. Repeat these two steps with directional compensations in maneuver. That's it! Just keep your eye on the prize and you'll be there in no time! NOTE: If you don't mind being a pushy jerk you can also do what I call THE PUSHY JERK and just stick one arm out and slightly upward in a sort of heil move. Proceed to simply walk through without mercy. No regrets baby.

At one point I moved to the couch sitters section to talk with a guy I know from New Mexico all of a sudden my shoe disappears. Fucking disappears! I had to get down on my haunches and brave the 300 horsepower Italian leather clad meat tenderizer that was the bottom tiers of this dance jam trample fest. After rolling my way between kicks and drunken stumbles for like five I finally found my shoe on the opposite end of the room. It made a slurping sound when I slipped it over my sock which was soaked to the shin with party juice. It's these sorts of times when even half to halfway through a party I can just feel the greatness of the night. This is how I dig it. Outside there was a riots load of drunken citizens and no cops to stop them so let's just take a moment to thank God for beer, drugs, and great music to create a need for this sort of gathering lest the people should run wild with gang related warfare. I think it's lovely.
Next was LKN. She rocked with her hair on a whiplash spin cycle and everybody loved it. This dude in a crazy space robot cyber wendigo gwar monster costume had some awkwardly set shoulder spikes that slapped me in the face. It turns out however that the costume shot whiskey from a tube and so I quickly forgave the beast and grooved down a bit with it to the music; which I felt was sort of reminiscent to an early nineties grunge bit. I enjoyed it.

Show Me the Pink played and the basement was packed. I'll just say that I enjoy this band and the crowd burrow lent itself well(you don't even have to move yourself! It's like a tide, just relax and go with the flow), but I'm going to post a review by my friend XUI in New York after he heard them on myspace(I guess that drawing represents what he felt the jams would look like...I really don't know.)

Show Me The Pink
Current mood: cold

myspace.com/xui. He does comics.

I'm not sure if another band played that party but rumor has it that exactly that may be true. I went to another party. I don't remember where it was. But I do remember this: It smelled like actual poop. I suppose their was a poo shoe problem and the dance floor suffered for it. There was a large fire in the backyard. Every single guest was a woman that seemed aggressively unapproachable. I felt as if honestly I shouldn't even have been there. Listen. Ladies. When a dude at a party tries to talk to you don't automatically assume they are hitting on you or whatever it is you assume that makes you have those scrunchy little stink faces on when I walk by. That's dumb. That goes for you snobbish punkster bike hotties and Stalinist drab man haters alike. I don't care what your reasons are. A party is where people go to shake it off. Sure the majority of goers are going to get fucked up or get laid but that's beside the issue. Most of the people you meet will not remember you and vice versa. Everybody is interesting when you're drunk. Most people are actually friendly brain zombies that mean you no harm and might possibly grow on you in the future. Like old people always used to say: You only get one chance for a first impression. This has been Carrot's "Uptown" Wild reporting to you from a pee stank attic and I bid you adieu.